Simple Ways to Prepare for Mediation

Going to mediation can feel daunting, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to the other party. It’s natural to feel a bit anxious when you’re unsure what to expect. This guide offers easy steps to help you prepare mentally, emotionally, and practically, so you feel ready for the conversation and reduce stress along the way.

Let's make a checklist for mediation!

Before the Mediation

1. Take the Day Off

   • If possible, schedule the day of mediation without other commitments. This will give you time to focus on the process without distraction and help you process the conversation afterward. It also provides time to relax and recover. You may be exhausted afterwards and that is normal.

   
   

2. Phone a Friend

   • Talking things through with a supportive friend or family member can relieve stress. You may want to ask a friend to be available by phone during the mediation in case you need some extra support. Sometimes, knowing you have someone in your corner can help ease anxiety and clear your mind. 

   
   

3. Plan Your Logistics

   • If In-Person: Plan for transportation, parking, and any additional travel time. Make sure you know the route and have everything you need to avoid last-minute stress.

   • If Virtual: Download any required software in advance, check your internet connection, and ensure your audio and video work. Using technology can be anxiety producing, so reducing the chances of a technical hiccup beforehand can help you focus on the conversation.

     
     

4. Reflect on What You Want and Need

   • Take time to reflect on why you’re going to mediation, how the conflict has affected you, and what you hope to achieve. Make a short list of key points you want to discuss, outcomes you hope for, and questions you might want to ask. 

   • Think through your must-haves and nice-to-haves. Consider any personal boundaries you want to keep. Knowing what is essential for you (and what’s flexible) can help you stay focused and avoid being caught off guard.

   • This blog post Deciding on Mediation: Key Questions to Consider has a lot of questions to contemplate as you prepare.

     
     

5. Practice Active Listening Techniques

   • A big part of mediation is listening. Practice active listening techniques with friends and family, like summarizing what you heard to ensure you understand the other person’s point of view. This can lead to a more constructive conversation and reduce defensiveness on both sides.

On the Day of Mediation

1. Review Your Logistics

   • Double-check that everything is set. If you’re traveling, give yourself extra time to get there calmly. If online, test your internet connection and all software so that you’re not scrambling at the last minute.

   
   

2. Eat Well and Stay Hydrated

   • Eating a balanced meal before mediation and having a drink or a snack nearby will keep your energy and focus up, helping you stay engaged and clear-headed. 

   
   

3. Prepare Your Space (and Yourself)

   • Choose a quiet, comfortable, and private space for the session if you’re doing mediation virtually. Wherever you are, take a moment to observe the room, get comfortable, have paper and a pen handy, and take a few deep breaths to center yourself before you begin.

   • Check out my Exercises to Ground Yourself and Reduce Stress for a list of simple calming exercises to try.

During Mediation

1. Focus on the Future

   • Try to think about the future rather than dwelling on past conflicts. Concentrate on the issues you want to resolve and the positive relationship or outcome you’d like to build. 

   
   

2. Breathe and Center Yourself

   • Throughout the mediation, remind yourself to breathe, trying to exhale slowly to calm your nervous system.

   • Remember, you’re here to listen, understand, and find solutions. 

     
     

3. Check In with Yourself

   • Take mental notes on how the mediation is going. Ask yourself if you’re communicating in a way that feels true to your intentions. If things feel off, reflect on what you can adjust to keep the conversation productive.

     
     

4. Take Notes on Key Points

• Writing down important points as you go can help you stay organized and keep track of what’s been discussed, especially if mediation involves a lot of back-and-forth. While others speak, note the areas where you feel like commenting or responding so you can return to those points without interrupting.

  
  

5. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

• Everyone involved is a human being with their own needs and wants. Try to see things from their perspective and give them the benefit of the doubt.

  
  

6. Take Breaks as Needed to Keep Emotions in Check

• If emotions start running high, remind yourself to pause and reset. Mediation can be intense, so it’s okay to ask for breaks. A quick pause can help you stay focused and regain composure if things get heated.

• Phone a friend if you need to.

After Mediation

1. Take Time for Yourself

   • After a mediation session, it’s normal to feel emotionally drained. Give yourself time to rest, whether it’s going for a walk, taking a nap, or simply relaxing to unwind.

     
     

2. Reflect on the Experience

   • Think about how the mediation went and what you’ve learned. What felt positive and what could you approach differently next time? Reflection can help you process the conversation and be more prepared for any follow-up needed.

Time to Exhale

By following these steps, you’ll be more prepared to go into mediation with a calm, positive mindset. Taking these actions can not only reduce stress but also help you get the most out of the process. Remember, mediation is about building solutions and understanding – and with a little preparation, you can approach it with confidence.