What’s the Difference Between Dignity and Respect?

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T / Find out what it means to me.”

Aretha Franklin’s famous lyrics remind us that respect isn’t one-size-fits-all. In practice, it depends on context, relationships, and timing. So when someone says, “I just want respect,” the real question is: what are they asking for right now?

Understanding the Difference Between Dignity and Respect

Here’s the key distinction:

• Dignity is inherent. We’re all born with it: an equal, undeniable worth that no one can take away.

• Respect is behavior. It’s how we choose to recognize and honor that dignity in the ways we speak, listen, and act.

When dignity is violated, people often say, “I feel disrespected.” But the deeper truth is, “my dignity wasn’t honored.”

Donna Hicks, in her book Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, breaks this down into ten specific elements. When one of these is missing, it often shows up as “disrespect.”

The 10 Elements of Dignity (Donna Hicks' Model)

These are the markers that tell us when dignity is being recognized and when it’s not:

• Acceptance of Identity – honoring people for who they are, without judgment.

• Inclusion – making sure no one feels left out or invisible.

• Safety – creating an environment free from harm, both physical and psychological.

• Acknowledgement – letting people know you’ve heard and seen them.

• Recognition – valuing effort, contribution, and hard work.

• Fairness – treating people justly, without favoritism or bias.

• Benefit of the Doubt – assuming good intentions before jumping to blame.

• Understanding – listening with curiosity, not just waiting to reply.

• Independence – supporting people’s autonomy and freedom to choose.

• Accountability – taking responsibility for your actions.

These elements aren’t abstract. In one employment mediation I handled, an employee who had been fired said she felt deeply disrespected because no one had taken the time to hear her side of the story. During the mediation, the employer acknowledged that their process needed to change to provide a fairer, more transparent approach. That simple acknowledgment went a long way in calming the situation. It wasn’t just about “respect” in general; it was about the dignity elements of acknowledgement, understanding, and fairness.

Here’s Donna Hicks explaining why dignity matters:

How the Dignity Index Measures Respect vs. Contempt

Donna Hicks’ dignity model also informed the Dignity Index, which rates language on an 8-point scale from dignity to contempt. To speak with dignity is to honor someone’s inherent value. To speak with contempt, through othering or demeaning language, is to deny it. Contempt drives “us vs. them” dynamics, and you can find it everywhere in our culture today, especially in political rhetoric and media.

Why Contempt Is Growing in Our Culture

Humans are pack animals. We need each other to survive, which is why elements of dignity like inclusion and belonging are so powerful. Contemptuous language is a shortcut to belonging: it says, “You’re with us: they are the enemy.”

It feels good to be instantly included in the “in” group, but it comes at the expense of dignity. It creates belonging by denying the inherent worth of others. And here’s the kicker: because belonging is itself an element of dignity, using contempt to gain it actually violates your own dignity.

Hicks also outlines 10 Temptations to Violate Dignity, the ways we undermine our own dignity through undignified behavior.

The 10 Temptations to Violate Dignity

These are the ways we undermine our own dignity through undignified behavior:

• Taking the Bait – reacting impulsively with harm instead of thoughtfully.

• Saving Face – covering up mistakes rather than admitting them.

• Shirking Responsibility – avoiding accountability for our actions.

• Seeking False Dignity – relying on others’ approval for our self-worth.

• Seeking False Security – clinging to belonging even when it means violating dignity.

• Avoiding Conflict – staying silent instead of addressing what matters.

• Being the Victim – exaggerating helplessness instead of reclaiming agency.

• Resisting Feedback – shutting down instead of learning from critique.

• Blaming and Shaming Others – deflecting guilt by tearing others down.

• Engaging in False Intimacy and Gossip – building connection by demeaning someone else.

For example: contempt as a shortcut to belonging combines several temptations at once. Seeking False Dignity means depending on others for your sense of worth. Seeking False Security means choosing connection at the expense of your own dignity. When we use contemptuous language to feel included, we’re not just violating others’ dignity — we’re violating our own.

Examples of Dignity and Contempt in Popular Culture

A few weeks ago, some people cheered Jack White’s (of The White Stripes) comments about President Trump, which ended with saying Trump is “masquerading as a human being.” Most of his critique focused on behavior and actions, but that last jab was contempt. It attacked Trump’s dignity. On the Dignity Index, it would rank as a “1,” suggesting he is less than human, which implicitly justifies violence against him.

When Trump spoke at Charlie Kirk’s funeral, he said, “I hate my enemies. And I don’t want the best for them.” The crowd roared in approval. Contemptuous language sparked instant belonging.

But on that same day, Kirk’s wife, Erika, offered a very different response. She chose forgiveness toward her husband’s killer. That act of compassion acknowledged that for someone to commit such a crime, they themselves must be suffering. This is what it looks like to recognize dignity, even in the hardest, most painful moments.

Takeaway: Respect Is How We Honor Dignity

When we start to notice contempt, we use it less ourselves. That’s the real invitation here, and it matters far beyond our personal relationships. Every time we choose dignified language over contempt, we push back against the cultural drift toward division and dehumanization.

Respect, in practice, is how we honor dignity in specific ways. Because dignity shows up through ten different elements, “respect” will never look the same in every situation. Sometimes it means fairness, sometimes safety, sometimes simply being acknowledged.

So the next time someone says, “I just want respect,” don’t stop at the word itself. Get curious. Ask: Which element of their dignity isn’t being honored? That’s where understanding begins, and where both relationships and culture can start to shift.

If you’d like practical tools for putting this into action, here are a few places to start:

• The Mutual Method: A Playbook for Navigating Important Conversations — available on my Resources page alongside other free tools.

• The Workplace Conflict Navigator — a program designed to help you move through workplace conflict with clarity and confidence.

• The Important Conversations Quiz — a quick tool to reflect on your own style and strengths.